Devious Journal Entry

I think it's so interesting how, when John died, everybody said that if I needed anything, they'd be there. Here I am just past 8 weeks, and there are about 2 people beside me now. Being alone is hard, but I don't have a lot of choices. I'm trying to stay strong, trying to be what John saw in me, it's just so hard sometimes.
I've watched my life crumble from the American Dream to a nightmare in just shy of 8 weeks, and I'm helpless to stop it...the feeling of not having any control is overwhelming. I'm 24 - these are supposed to be the best years of my life...
Now I'm just surviving until I can't even do that anymore. Some life, huh?